waxing and waning

I have made no secret of my desire to have more babies. Dr. F and I feel so strongly that our family is not yet complete and are excited to have several more children. My little baby isn't a baby so much anymore as he continues to amaze us with his humor and intelligence...and oh that adorable little face

Sometimes I want to be pregnant soooo badly I can almost feel it in my teeth. Sometimes I'm more content to just think about having another baby sooner or later. But today? OH MY GOSH I AM HAVING MAJOR BABY BELLY ENVY (yes, this is me screaming) of every friend or stranger or celebrity who is busy growing another person. I just can't contain it. I mean. WOW.

I know that a large part of this is because I'm still smack in the middle of thyroid-hell. Ok, that is a tad melodramatic, but it feels like being stuck in this giant limbo while we're waiting for a second opinion before I let them cut my neck open and remove all or part of my thyroid and put me on replacement thyroid meds for.the.rest.of.my.life. So of course, we dont want to start trying until everything is settled down and my levels are within a normal range.

The other part of this is that I realized (DUH!) that it is May, and we are still hoping, (but being realistic that it might not happen) to stick to our plan of getting pregnant at the end of summer/early fall. There it is, I just put our timeline out there, but I can't keep it in anymore. Whew! Well, who knows if this will actually happen, but that could mean getting pregnant in 3 months. Y'all. 3 MONTHS!!

I've been struggling lately what I should pray for because I kinda feel like, if God has a plan, shouldn't I just pray for the courage and grace to be patient and let it unfold? But then I think, we'll, it couldn't hurt to ask directly for what I want too, right? So maybe, I'll just pray that my plan and God's plan are the same thing.