tomorrow

Tomorrow is my surgery and I'm so nervous. I've never had real surgery before (wisdom teeth don't count)... I mean, I've never been under general anesthesia so that is scary. I'm willingly allowing someone to cut open my neck. UGHHH. I very well might loose my entire thyroid tomorrow and be on meds for the rest of my life. My metabolism might be gone. Yeah, that will suck. I am terrified that I wont wake up from the anesthesia,(I know I know, soooo unlikely). I'm terrified they're going to cut the wrong thing (my surgeon has done well over 1000 of these...and does a few every week). I'm not afraid of the recovery process or the pain. I'm just afraid of the surgery itself.

However, I'm so excited that we are attacking this head on and doing something about it. I'm excited that as soon as my meds are stabilized, we can begin trying to get pregnant! YESSSS. I'm excited that I wont constantly feel like I have a lump in my throat (it feels like my tonsils are permanently swollen). And I'm soooo excited that I'll get a mini-vacation from work where I do nothing by park my rear on the couch and watch movies. Yeah, I'm ready for that.

Anyway, thanks for your prayers and well wishes. See you on the other side!

cop-out

A cop-out, bullet point post because I'm currently incapable of doing anything else:

1. I have just discovered the band Pink Martini. This is my favorite song.

2. We are officially cloth diapering on the weekends. It is awesome and easy and so much cheaper. I save an average of 15 disposal diapers per weekend. At $.40/diaper, that adds up quickly. Even Dr. F is on board!

3. I have reaffirmed my strong dislike for anything scented (deodorant etc.). All I can smell is my new "classic scent" deodorant. However, I'm too cheap to by another one until I thoroughly use this one up.

4. I am having part or all of my thyroid removed next week. This will be a 3 hr surgery under general anesthesia and an overnight stay in a hospital. I'm nervous as heck about the surgery, but let me tell you, the thought of not having to do ANYTHING but take pain meds and lay on the couch for a week...now that sounds AWESOME.

5. My first ThredUP box was picked and I'm shipping it tomorrow! Wahoo! Thanks Ab for recommending this site to me!

6. I can not wait for the weekend. That is all.

by the numbers

4: the number of times I've had blood work done
2: the number of endocrinologists I've seen
250: the amount dollars I've spent on co-pays (not including lab fees...I haven't gotten those bills yet)
1: MRI
1: thyroid ultrasound
1: radioactive uptake scan. I glowed in the dark for about 24 hrs!
2: hyperactive thyroid nodules
1: surgery scheduled June1 to remove said nodules


The last 3 months have been a roller coaster of emotion and learning and I can't wait to get it all over with! What started as a suspected migraine with auras turned out to be sub-clinical hyperthyroidism and a thyroid gland that has actually completely shut down. Yay me. This is all culminating in thyroid surgery which I'll be having in two weeks. I'm pretty scared... I mean, they are going to cut my neck open...but I'm super relieved that this will all (hopefully) be over soon and if it all goes according to plan, my thyroid should kick back on, returning my body to normal! Of course, worse cast scenario, it doesn't kick back on and I have to take a synthetic thyroid hormone every day for the rest of my life. But really, I'm not that worried about that because what is the difference in that and taking the pill or a daily vitamin? I met with the surgeon this morning and he was really positive about my prognosis and the surgical outlook. I think I'm in good hands.

So why the surgery now? We were advised that we could wait and monitor this through a pregnancy and then have the surgery after pregnancy, buuuut there was a chance I could have to take nasty meds through pregnancy that aren't the best for the baby. Plus, this whole thing could make getting preggers very difficult and then we'd have to get the surgery after several months of trying anyway. So Dr. F and I decided its better to just get it done now, let my body work itself out and we can still be on track to try in August assuming my levels stabilize (they very more than likely will be just fine 6 weeks out from surgery). No possibility of quasi-dangerous meds/difficulty getting pregnant etc.

Now I can actually think about something else and look forward to getting some good pain meds and home cooked meals (that I dont have to make!!) when my mom and dad come to stay with us to take care of Aidan. I'm also REALLY REALLY excited about trying to get pregnant. Did you know that? I mean, I CAN NOT WAIT to get knocked up again :)

So, in the next few weeks any prayers and good vibes you can send my way for a safe, successful surgery and recovery are deeply appreciated.

Mother's Day

Oh my gosh did I have the best Mother's Day weekend ever! The weather was unbelievable and Dr. F was actually home both days of the weekend (which will be the only weekend he's actually home the entire month of May.) What a great gift that it coincided with Mother's Day :)

Just to brag little, he actually looked up a recipe and prepared everything completely on his own for the most amazing challa french toast breakfast. He substituted the french bread for challa and it was sooo the right call.
Seriously, it was soooo good (probably because he used real butter and cream...and all of my calories for the next 3 weeks. It was worth it.. He let me sleep in and then gave me so many great gifts including a weed whacker (I am really pumped!), an encyclopedic Better Homes and Garden's book on plants, and a beautiful hanging plant (notice a theme?). Then we went to church and LM was pretty well behaved (thank you goldfish crackers!), we all took naps and went for a late afternoon family jog by the river. We capped the day off with a great dinner on our patio and entered the week feeling rested and rejuvenated

.

Are Crocs allowed in the real world?

Oh hell yes they are! Especially when they look like this:

I don't care if you are a major croc hater. I needed shoes that were more supportive than flipflops and could handle playtime with a two year old. You know, I still want to look cute and be able to chase after him at picnics... and did I mention they are waaaaay comfortable? Don't be jealous :)

waxing and waning

I have made no secret of my desire to have more babies. Dr. F and I feel so strongly that our family is not yet complete and are excited to have several more children. My little baby isn't a baby so much anymore as he continues to amaze us with his humor and intelligence...and oh that adorable little face

Sometimes I want to be pregnant soooo badly I can almost feel it in my teeth. Sometimes I'm more content to just think about having another baby sooner or later. But today? OH MY GOSH I AM HAVING MAJOR BABY BELLY ENVY (yes, this is me screaming) of every friend or stranger or celebrity who is busy growing another person. I just can't contain it. I mean. WOW.

I know that a large part of this is because I'm still smack in the middle of thyroid-hell. Ok, that is a tad melodramatic, but it feels like being stuck in this giant limbo while we're waiting for a second opinion before I let them cut my neck open and remove all or part of my thyroid and put me on replacement thyroid meds for.the.rest.of.my.life. So of course, we dont want to start trying until everything is settled down and my levels are within a normal range.

The other part of this is that I realized (DUH!) that it is May, and we are still hoping, (but being realistic that it might not happen) to stick to our plan of getting pregnant at the end of summer/early fall. There it is, I just put our timeline out there, but I can't keep it in anymore. Whew! Well, who knows if this will actually happen, but that could mean getting pregnant in 3 months. Y'all. 3 MONTHS!!

I've been struggling lately what I should pray for because I kinda feel like, if God has a plan, shouldn't I just pray for the courage and grace to be patient and let it unfold? But then I think, we'll, it couldn't hurt to ask directly for what I want too, right? So maybe, I'll just pray that my plan and God's plan are the same thing.